Thank you past self

My past self definitely knew how to outsmart my future self by signing up for this walk.

It's now May, the time when most New Years Resolutions have long died off.  When the newness has worn off and the "diet" is more of a lifestyle.  Going to on the Veracode trip, going to Disneyland, and our upcoming trip to Mass/Maine would typically present challenges that would start a landslide into old habits.  It's hard to keep on your healthy eating routine when you break habit.  I stopped entering everything into LoseIt when I was away and have had a hard time getting back to it.   Therefore I have not been counting my calories and monitoring my eating quite as judiciously.  I never go way off track,  but I find I tend to snack more.  It's only a piece of string cheese or a yogurt or something, but the calories from that can add up and can put me over.    Being away and taking care of the twins has also caused me to miss some of my kickboxing classes so I have lost some of my momentum with that. 

This loss of momentum would typically make me feel defeated and would result in me ultimately abandoning my regime and I would go back to just maintaining my weight range, neither losing weight nor gaining and not doing anything related to fitness. 

Signing up for this monster walk does not give me the option.  This was, of course, exactly why I wanted to do it to begin with.  I know me and I knew without a big goal or something to prevent me from punking out, I would return to the status quo.   

I have been walking pretty much every week.  I am solid for 5 miles, but ten has been a challenge.  Unlike my first 10 mile walk, I now scheduled stops for Starbucks or something.  Last week I walked 5 miles to my dentist and then 5 miles home.  That said, a dental cleaning isn't exactly the relaxing break I might have needed. =p  

Anytime I have to go someplace, I try to walk.  I also know that if I had not signed up for this walk, I would not be sticking to all this.   I am grateful to my past self for knowing how easy it is for me to go back to my comfort zone.  That making a change and committing to it, long after the newness and the luster has worn off, can be hard.    I have been pretty lax for the past month, but I know I have to get back to a strict regime because I have committed myself (and want to) do this walk.   My hope is that by the time I get to the walk, I will have committed this change so that  my internal motivator will be stronger.  I'll worry about that then though. 

For now, it's time to go get my sneakers.  

CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT ME FOR THE 3 DAY, 60 MILE WALK FOR BREAST CANCER!

Taking it One Step at a Time

Last Saturday I was able to walk 10 miles.  At first, I was really excited and proud of myself.  About five minutes later, I decided I was absolutely crazy for signing up to do 6x the amount that I just exhausted myself doing.

Fortunately, one of the reasons for this blog is because by sharing the process of training for this walk, I am also holding myself accountable to do it.  So when I have those moments of 'what the hell was I thinking?' I remind myself that I have announced I was doing this, I've been collecting donations (thank you!), and I have committed myself.   I have to admit, I may sulked for a little bit.

I started off that day not wanting to walk at all.  I told myself that I should just start walking and see what happens.  So, I started.  Once I got to 5 miles, I still had some energy and I decided that already completely 5 miles puts me closer to 10 miles than if I stopped now.  Hey, it made sense at the time.

The first 8 miles were fine.  The last two were less so.   I really did not have any specific pains, thanks to my new custom orthotics, but I was tired.  I had been walking nonstop for three hours and I had slowed down to about 3.5mph.  When I got home, I was really happy that I made pushed myself for the whole 10 miles, but it also created anxiety because I knew that I was gassed out.  Each day of this walk is 20 miles and, at that moment, there was no way I would have been able to go for another 10.  The difference between 5 miles and 10 miles was definitely mental.  The difference between 10 and 15 would have been physical.

I also knew I had to nip these concerns in the bud or else I was going to go further down the self-doubt hole.  I told myself not to worry about that right now.  Right now I did a good job with 10 miles and I would not worry about the fact that I was dreading ever having to go for a walk again.  Sure enough, about two days later, I got over it and was ready for my next walk.

I know to take it one day at a time.  I know I will get there.  A few months ago, I got exhausted just by walking around the grocery store.  Five months ago, I could barely walk up and down the stairs.  I remember coming home from the hospital and I did not have the ability to run up the stairs, something I have always done since I was a kid, although it was usually "thundering up the stairs" then.  To go from that to 10 miles is a great accomplishment and I should focus on that and not the anxiety over how I am going to do the rest. It's all just one step at a time.  I imagine mountain climbers must feel that way.  I imagine that if one were to climb Mt Everest, you probably get to base camp, only to look up at the rest of the mountain and think, 'what the hell did I sign up for?'

I also had a weigh-in when I went to the doctor and I have lost 12 pounds since January.   Again, I am focusing on that accomplishment and trying not to think about how much I still need to lose.

Ten miles and 12 pounds in 3.5 months, three weeks of which were not active because my foot had to heal.

I'll take it. One step and one pound at a time.





CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT ME FOR THE 3-DAY 60 MILE SUSAN G. KOMEN WALK

Back on Track - 5 Miles Down!

I completed my first big chunk of walking today!  After putting things on hold while I figured out what was going on with my foot, I am now back on schedule.  I picked up my custom inserts yesterday and decided to try to go five miles today.  It took me about two hours at about 19 minutes per mile and I went a little over 5.5 miles.  The good news is that I probably could have gone further, but I didn't want to push it my first time out.

The 60 mile walk is over the course of 3 days so I will eventually get up to 20 miles a day.  I have written out a timeline for the next eight months to get up to that.  The first mile went by quickly but the second mile and half of the 3rd were when I lost a little steam.  Once I pushed through that, the rest of it was fine.  I think part of what I will learn is how to push through those low energy moments.  I would be walking along and then be like 'oh I'm tired, maybe I should take the four mile route instead.'  So much of this is mental and being able to push past that and to not listen to that voice.

Now that I am back on track with the physical parts, I need to turn my attention to the fundraising part.  This is a slightly daunting challenge because it requires the support of other people.  I am working on designing an incentive part to it where, like Kickstarter, people get different things for donating certain amounts.  I have a few ideas of stuff I can put together.   Chris is going to donate CDs of his music and I am looking into some sewing projects.   Most people I know do not live near me, so it all has to be stuff I can ship.  If you can donate, it really does go to a good cause.  Susan G. Koman does amazing work to find a cure for breast cancer. I also am personally grateful for your support!


CLICK HERE TO DONATE!

Gimpy is as Gimpy Does

Yup, still here.

It's been three weeks since I went to the podiatrist for pain in my arch.  They taped my foot for two weeks, which did offer some relief but not much.   Last Friday I went back to see the doctor and to get fitted for a custom orthotic.

The current plan is to "manage" the injury.  I will resume kickboxing and will ice my foot, take ibuprofen, and see how things go.  I asked the doctor what the next steps would be and he said I might end up in a walking boot to let the foot heal.   Here is where I get confused.  This is from an injury playing soccer in 2009.   I was off my feet for almost 11 week this Fall and it did not heal anything.  As soon as I started walking, this injury came back in spades.  So I do not see how resting it again is going to do anything but give it a temporary respite.  He said I might also need to look into physical therapy.

The custom orthotic will arrive next week and we will see how that helps.  He said I should not resume walking until then.  He also gave me a night splint and some compression socks.  Hopefully all of this will ease the pain enough that I can continue walking.

In the mean time, I am keeping my mental attitude strong.  With the exception of a meal here and there (Valentine's Day, etc), I am keeping below 1600 calories and eating healthy foods with minimal sugar.  I don't drink, so that's helpful.  I've lost about 7lbs since the New Year and that should increase once I get back to kickboxing.  Losing weight will also help with not putting so much weight on the foot.

I am looking forward to resuming kickboxing this week and then I will just take it from there.  One step at a time. ;)


  

Road Block #1

After my last walk, I noticed that the arch of my foot was really hurting me.   It became hard to walk, even around the house.  I took a day off and that helped a little bit, but it was clear that something was hindering my ability to keep going.  So, I scheduled a podiatrist appointment.   When I got there, he poked around for a few minutes and diagnosed me with Posterior Tibial Tendonitis.    Bummer.

He takes a look at the new shoes I just got and tells me he thinks I should return them and get ones that have a more solid support structure.  He then tells me I need to tape my foot up for two weeks and stay off it as much as possible.  I can still do kickboxing, but limit it to upper body movement only.  And no walking for at least two weeks.

Once I get the tape removed then we will start working on some exercises to strengthen it.  The good news is that this isn't serious.  I had really been worried because my mom has had so many foot issues and had to have surgery.  The doctor says my situation isn't the same and that I should be fine and that doing the walk in November should be fine.

So, in the big picture, all good news.  I am slightly bummed to have to be incapacitated for two weeks.  Then I have to have an eye procedure done on February 15th, so I will be out of commission for a bit then too.  I have plenty of time between now and November, so I'm not worried about not having enough time to train.  No, it's more the 'an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion" thing.  I have been really energized by what I have been doing lately.  When I kickbox or walk, I burn at least an extra 1000 calories a day and have lost 5 pounds.  I have also had more energy and felt good about having this goal.   I like the feeling that I am getting stronger.  More importantly, I was feeling like I was moving toward making the changes.  I had moved past the uncomfortable "newness" of it and was starting to get into a good routine.  Routine is critical when making any change.  Now I have to revert back to no activity and do is all over again.

Thankfully, this is where having something like this walk is really helpful.  I still have that external goal that I am working toward.  Even if my internal motivator starts to dim or get too comfortable with a routine that doesn't involve getting off my butt, I have that external goal.   I have something that I am working toward and it has metrics and deadlines.  That will help a lot.  Also, life is about interruptions.  If this is truly a healthy lifestyle change, then I will have to  integrate into a lifestyle that comes complete with interruptions.  My motivation and passion should not be so fragile that a few weeks off destroys it.

So, all in all, it could have been a lot worse.  It will be around March before I can really get hardcore, but it's okay.  I'm looking forward to it.

Planning

My first order of business was to get myself organized and to create a plan.  Their is a RoadRunner Sports right next the kickboxing gym, so I stopped in to get some good sneakers.   They offer a service where they do a complete fitting for you.  So they measured my feet, examined my pressure points, and videotaped me walking on a treadmill so we could analyze my walk.   It was all really informative and helpful.   I talked with the knowledgable shoe expert and walked away with two new pairs of sneakers and some custom made insoles.   Goodbye to my old crappy Payless sneakers.  

Next order of business is an appointment with a podiatrist.  A few years ago I rolled my right foot playing soccer and it bothers me when I walk a lot.  I can tell that it also causes the pain to travel up to my right knee, which is the one I sprained a few years ago.   Short of a whole leg transfer, I'm not sure what he can do for me, but I want to cover all my bases to get my physical stuff sorted out.  

I then set up my diet and physical regime.  I have been keeping my diet to under 1600 calories and only eating natural and fresh foods, with lots of veggies.   I am doing the kickboxing classes 2x a week and walking for three.  I have taken the past two days off to give my body time to recover, as my foot was causing me to limp. 

For now, I am keeping my walks to doing loops around the neighborhood, rather than doing one long linear walk. This way I can get home quickly if I need to be there for the girls.  Chris and my mom are incredibly supportive and generous to give me a bit of time each day for this.  Eventually, the girls will be big enough to fit into a stroller and I can take them with me, but they are still a bit too little for that. 

I started off with 2 miles a day and am now up to 3.  Every week I will add a little bit more length and speed.  I started off doing 22 minute miles and was able to bring it 16 minute miles on my last walk.   Every time I feel like copping out, I make myself add a little bit of length.  For example, on my last walk, I had done one loop and was really tempted to just call it day because I was feeling sore.  Instead, I pushed myself to one of the bigger loops for my second loop and to walk faster. 

I know that the physical changes I want will only come from a mental change.   Allowing myself to cut workouts short or giving myself an out is a slippery slope.  

In addition the physical and mental impact, there is also the emotional motivators.  Knowing that I am also doing this for a good cause is an excellent motivator.  As Tina says, when I'm feeling tired it helps to remember why this walk is so important.  Yes, I have my own personal goals and demons, but there is also the big picture of the fact that it is for such a good cause.  I am grateful to be healthy and capable enough to walk.  That as hard as it was to spend so much time in the hospital and to worry about my baby girls, we got out okay.  There are so many people who don't survive or endure long term suffering.   Keeping that at the forefront of my mind keeps me in the bigger picture and to not take my body for granted by being lazy.  

On that note, it's time to wrap this up and get going with my day!

Click HERE to sponsor me for the Susan G Komen 3 Day Walk

So it Begins...

The first time I mentioned participating in the Susan G. Komen 60 Miles in 3 Days, I think my family thought I was crazy.  I rarely even walked 60 feet, let alone 60 miles.  Not only that, but this past year has been filled with physical limitations for me.

In March 2015, I found out I was pregnant with twin girls.  After trying for 5 years, we were finally pregnant! To say we were thrilled would be an understatement.   However, we quickly discovered that this would be a challenging pregnancy.  The first trimester was filled with terrible morning sickness that made it hard to leave the house for extended periods of time.  The second trimester brought a bigger challenge when complications presented the risk of giving birth at 20 weeks, something our girls would not have survived.  After 3 weeks of home bedrest, a speciality doctor was able to do a procedure that would buy us more time, but I was put on hospital bedrest for 6 weeks.  This meant a total of 9 weeks of limited movement.  I was allowed a five minute daily shower and a 5 minute walk around the hospital floor.  The rest of my time was spent lying on a bed, on my side.

Our girls were born at 29 weeks via c-section. Thankfully, they are doing wonderfully and we averted a major crisis!  However, the experience had a profound impact on me.  It was one of the hardest things I have had to go through and it made me realize I am stronger than I thought.

I have never been "fit".  I have been plus-sized since I was a kid and have tried every diet known to science.  Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, Atkins,  etc. etc.  I have tried all sorts of work out and exercise routines like personal training, soccer, joining a gym, joining a private gym, and so on.  I have been able to maintain it for awhile and then it peters out.

So what is different now?  When I said my pregnancy experience changed me, I meant it.   I realized that if I can endure that, I can do anything I put my mind to.  That I have the strength and power to do this.  I also want to do it for my babies.   During my pregnancy I spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things I want for them.  I want them to love themselves, their minds, hearts, and bodies.  I want them to be proud of who they are and the choices they make.  I want them to take good care of themselves.   Then I realized that if I can want those things for them, then I should want them for myself.  Not only that, but by wanting those things for myself, I set an example for them.   How can I encourage them to go outside and be active, if I am not?  How can I expect them to eat healthy foods if I don't?  How can I expect them to strive to meet goals, if I do not do the same?

Each year my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law participate in the 60 Miles in 3 Days walk.  They are inspiring to me and I marvel at their commitment and dedication to this.   When they announced they were doing the walk in San Diego again, it planted a seed that maybe I could participate with them.   The thought intimidated the hell out of me and I thought it would be crazy for me to do and I would be getting in over my head.   Still, it kept bouncing around in my head.  I mentioned it to my husband and my mother and they both looked at me like I had two heads.  Still, the idea kept growing.   When my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law came to visit us, I mentioned the idea to them.  They were very supportive and I thought that maybe I could do it and just do the best I could.  That even if I just did five miles a day, it would be okay.   However, I told myself to wait a few days before making a decision.  That I would possibly regret committing to this because I would surely be in over my head.   I have ever walked more than 10 miles in a day, and that was probably from walking all over DisneyWorld.   How on Earth would I go from being in the worst shape I have ever been in and still feeling the physical effects of 9 weeks on bedrest and then recover from a c-section to walking 60 miles?  I'd be out of my mind to think I could do that.

Then I realized I was letting myself cop out.  Of course this was going to be hard.  Of course this was going to feel like I was in over my head.  That's what change feels like.  That's what it feels like when you're out of your comfort zone.  That if I didn't feel uncomfortable about the whole thing, then I wouldn't be pushing myself and I would never meet my fitness goals.  The whole point of making a change is to push yourself to do it.  So did I really want to achieve fitness or not?  It was time to put my money where my mouth is.

So, here I am.  I have 300 days and 42 weeks before this walk.  I need to raise $3000 ($2300 minimum) to do it.  My plan is do kickboxing 2-3 times a week and then to walk 3-4 times a week.  I have started with two miles a day and am working up to 3 and then to 4 and so on.   Once every 3-4 weeks I will do a power walk where I will walk 10 miles, then 15, then 20 in a day.

I am sharing this journey, in part so I can be held accountable for this.  I am determined to not lame out on this.  Writing and sharing my process is a motivator for me and helps to keep me focused and engaged.

So, that's the plan. To go from being in the worst shape of my life to the best shape of my life in the span of a year (ok, technically 14 months).   I am motivated, determined, and ready to go.

Let's do this thing!

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